I'm No Damsel In Distress!
by FantasmaLuminum
Summary: Ike is sent on a quest to rescue a princess from a tower by King Dedede. What he doesn't expect, however, is that his simple quest turns into a journey to reclaim a throne for red head prince instead. On top of all that, he's got to save his sister from a tyrant, escape the over-protective 'father' and the Queen who wants the prince dead before he touches the throne. No pressure.
1. Chapter 1

I realise I should be updating my other fics instead of writing new ones, but this idea wouldn't stop bothering me. I guess you can say that this fic is a bit of a mix between Snow White and The Huntsman, Shrek and Tangled. You might notice some similar plots to said stories.

Summary: Ike is sent on a quest and he doesn't like it, not one bit.

"You want me to do what?" Ike asks, his tone full of utter disbelief. He knew there was something fishy when the King had called for him but he never expected this, never this. He shuffles his feet on the shiny and pale white marble floor watching said King sitting on his gold throne intently for any signs of jest. The King just had to be kidding.

"Rescue the princess in the tower settled upon Death Mountain and return her to me!" says King Dedede jovially as if he's asking Ike to perform a tap dance or something.

Ike almost laughs at the situation but stops himself in time to put on his dead serious face. He really did hear the King say what he thought he did. "You do know she's just a legend, right? She's a made-up princess created by old wives to colour children's bedtime stories. I honestly don't think there's a point for me going. I'll probably end up dead." _Which is possibly what he's aiming for, _thinks Ike grimly.

"Yes, well there is a possibility of that event occurring but never mind that. All I want is the princess," says the King, completely ignoring what he's just been told.

Ike is about to open his mouth to argue again but gives up. No point in reasoning with a crack pot, is there?

"Why me? Why not use your own men? You've got plenty," points out Ike instead.

"Yes, well, I appreciate the idea but I already have sent many and they've all met the same fate," answers King Dedede, "I've chosen you mostly because of the rumours I've heard about you."

Ike crosses his arms across his chest and narrows his eyes. "And what rumours are said about me? I've never heard any."

King Dedede leans forward, "You're a talented swordsman, don't deny that. I've had numerous guards complain about you and your abilities. It only makes sense then to send someone like you on this daring quest."

King Dedede then jumps off his throne and strolls nearer to Ike, his heavy steps making the chandelier above rattle. "If you succeed in rescuing the princess, all your sentences will be lifted and you'll be a free man."

Ike narrows his eyes, considering the offer. "All my sentences?"

"All your sentences, yes," confirms King Dedede, "Will you do it then?"

"No," Ike answers quick and fast.

"Did you even think it over?" asks King Dedede with a sigh.

"Yes."

"And?"

Ike shrugs. "And nothing. I'm still not doing it. I'd rather rot in jail than chase after a fairy-tale princess."

King Dedede watches him closely and turns to walk back towards his throne. "I was worried you might say that, so I made special arrangements in order for you to get your motivation ready."

He nods in the direction of a guard standing on his left next to a large wooden double door. The guard nods in return and opens it to reveal a young girl bound by rope and held down by two white armored guards.

"Ike!" she screams as she struggles against their hold. Her brunette hair is stuck up and messy and her eyes lightened with fear.

Ike's eyes widen when he sees his sister. "Mist!" he yells back and moves a foot in her direction but is stopped when the guard next to him prods a spear in his waist.

"Ah!" he lets out as he feels the sharp point dig in his flesh. "Let her go!" he shouts at King Dedede, desperation shaking his voice.

King Dedede plops down upon his throne and smiles menacingly. "So, will you comply? Or will I have to send your precious little sister to the gallows, if not?"

"What happens to my sister if I don't return?"

"Your sister will die," King Dedede says with a weak flap of his hand, "I'll put it simple for you: return the princess, your sister lives or don't return the princess, your sister dies. Take your pick."

Ike's insides lurch at the fear of losing his sister. "No," he breathes, "I'll do it. I'll rescue your stupid princess. I promise."

"Good!" exclaims King Dedede happily, "You'll leave now in order to make up wasted time."

Ike feels the guards take him by the arms and attempt to drag him away. "My sister!" he yells, "Promise me you'll keep her safe!"

"Only if you keep yours," King Dedede calls after him in a cheery tone, waving him off.

"Beware of Dragons," reads Ike out loud from the rotting sign post placed five meters from a rickety bridge leading to the castle, where the princess is supposedly imprisoned.

Ike snorts loudly and stands back to take a good look at the looming castle before him. There's a dark grey cloud circling over the highest tower against the murky orange sky. He wonders for a moment if the princess is in the highest tower like they normally are. Shrugging, Ike walks over to the bridge with hesitant steps.

Getting to Death Mountain wasn't much a problem, anyone could do it; the real problem, Ike realised, was getting over this bridge alive. He didn't quite like the fact that the first step he had taken caused the old plank to break in two and fall to the lava below in the volcano.

_I have to do this or the King is going to kill Mist, _thinks Ike as his shaking hands clutch the sides of the bridge. His hands grip the rope and stick due to his sweaty palms. Hesitantly he makes for the second plank and lightly places his foot on it. After a few moments of making sure it's sturdy, he takes a deep breath and places both feet on it.

_Oh, well, that wasn't too bad, _thinks Ike as he takes another step, forgetting to check. The plank breaks into pieces and Ike is forced to take one hell of a large step to the next one. The volcano unexpectedly rumbles and moans, causing the bridge to sway and Ike to bolt along the bridge.

Ike feels like he's hopping from stepping stones except these ones are much more fragile and falling off means incineration by lava. Not fun at all, he muses as he narrowly misses a plank that's beginning to break. He eventually makes it over the bridge and collapses on the stone path up to the main doors of the castle in exhaustion.

Looking back towards the near-destroyed bridge, Ike wonders grimly how he's going to get the princess over it. _Maybe I could toss her over and hope for the best? _he thinks, smiling to himself and batting it away. He gets up, wipes the knees of his trousers and makes his way to the main doors.

Fortunately for him, the King had given him a full suit of armor and a sword, albeit cheap and fairly useless, it was better than nothing. He didn't quite believe the sign about dragons mainly because he didn't believe in dragons existing at all, but the sword in his hand (again cheap and flimsy) would be fair enough to hold it back for a while. He hopes.

He approaches a set of stairs that seem to lead to where the highest tower is and climbs them in every hope of finding the princess so he can be free of this wretched place. What he doesn't see is a pair of amber snake-like eyes watching him through a crack in the wall.

When he arrives at the top of the stairs in what he's assuming is the highest tower, he sees a fancy looking door with intricate rose patterns. He touches the patterns with a delicate hand and slides his hand down towards the doorknob with his other hand clenching the sword.

The door surprisingly doesn't creak and opens easily. Ike opens the door fully and stands in the doorway. _The princess, _Ike thinks gratefully when his eyes lock on a figure lying on a four poster bed. He can just make out the shape of its inhabitant through the translucent curtains and breathes out a sigh of relief.

He debates with himself whether to leave the sword by the door or take it with him and decides on the latter. He first thought that it might scare her, then he thought that he'd probably look more knightly with it and impress her. _Wait what? _he thinks with a groan and rolls his eyes. _She's for the King not me, idiot, _he argues in his head.

He ends up taking the sword with him and slowly walks over to the bed. Taking a deep breath, he pulls the curtain to reveal the princess. Her face is covered by a veil but Ike thinks that she must be sleeping as he can hear soft exhalations of breath.

He's about to lean down to remove the veil when he notices a note buried between her hands. He gently takes it and reads it in his head. _Awaken me with a kiss to break the spell binding me, oh courageous Knight, _he reads, snorting because it doesn't even rhyme. So he crumples the paper in his fist and throws it over his shoulder.

_Oh well, if she wants a kiss off a random stranger, _he thinks as he continues to lean down, his hands uncovering the veil from her face. _I'll be happy to-_

**SLAP!**

Ike howls in pain as the stinging sensation on his cheek sends his body into a weird hopping dance. He hops back and clenches his cheek, eyes shut tight.

"Don't kiss me idiot!" shouts a voice, making Ike freeze and turn from the wall he's leaning on to the direction of the voice.

His eyes widen and the breath in his throat hitches. "What?!"

Thanks for reading.


	2. Chapter 2

I intended to upload this the day after the first chapter, but my computer crashed when I was editing and wouldn't start again until a few days later. Just a little note about this story, it's kind of like a crack!fic so if things are a bit weird and not serious then that's the reason.

Summary: Ike learns that he might be wrong about dragons.

Ike's trembling hand points towards the 'princess' lying in the bed looking very frustrated. "Who are you!?" he manages to get out from his shock.

_This isn't happening, this is not happening, _Ike chants in his head as he watches a young boy with fire red hair rise into a sitting position, and pushing the covers from off his body to reveal a simple dark blue tunic with a pair of cream coloured trousers. On his forehead, stopping his red hair from spreading across his face is a matching blue headband with a red tear drop-shaped jewel.

"I'd rather you not try that again," he says, wiping his lips with his sleeve even though Ike never even touched them.

"Where's the princess?!" Ike almost shouts, dropping the sword in his hand to the floor, the metal clattering loudly on the floor.

The boy's light blue eyes sparkle with amusement at Ike's expression. He swings his legs over to the edge of the bed."This won't hurt," says the boy suddenly.

"What won't hur-" Ike doesn't get to finish his sentence as he's hit over the head with a candle stick. He falls to the ground in pain, his head throbbing with pain. His vision begins to black out and he sees a pair of brown leather boots near him.

"Sorry..." he hears a voice say, but it sounds so far away that he's not sure if it was real or not.

Ike groans as he slowly opens his eyes. Immediately the pain in his head resurfaces and he instinctively brings up a hand to massage his head when he realises his hands are behind his back, tied up.

"What the-?" he exclaims, looking about the room where he found the imposter. The bed is made up and one of the large windows is now open, the curtains around it flapping in the wind. He struggles violently in the chair he has been tied to, but it's no use. Whoever tied the knots knew perfectly what they were doing.

The door that Ike came in through flies open and the young boy steps in, carrying a tray with a plate of bread and a cup of water. He kicks the door closed behind him, smiling that Ike's awake. He wordlessly moves around the room, dragging a small table to Ike and placing the tray on it.

"I'm Roy, nice to meet you and welcome to my room!" He opens his arms wide like an eagle and twirls around the room, ignoring Ike's disbelieving stares.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! Let me go this instant!" Ike growls, making Roy stop abruptly and frown. "Where's the princess? What have you done with her?" Ike asks, hoping the princess is alright and wasn't harmed by the psycho in front of him.

The redhead locks eyes with Ike. "Princesses are girls," he points out to Ike as though he's an idiot, "I'm a boy."

Ike glares at Roy like he's the idiot, which in Ike's mind, he must be. "Tell me where she is and untie me so I can get out of here!" demands Ike, struggling about in the wooden chair and the rope bounding his wrists.

Roy approaches Ike slowly; hesitating like someone would towards a madman. "I've never heard of boys being princesses," he says, tapping his chin in deep thought.

"Did _you_ hit your head or something? I'm looking for the princess! I don't care if-"

Roy stops and blinks. "Wait!" he shrills unexpectedly, pointing an accusing finger at Ike, "Who are you!?" he asks, as though he's only just remembered that he has no idea who he's tied to his chair.

Ike sighs and slouches in the chair. "I just asked you that a few minutes ago."

"And I answered."

"Yeah, but you haven't told me who you really are," counters Ike, raising his eyebrows.

Roy watches him for a moment before settling down. "I have you tied up, so you do what I say," he says, trying to be menacing but failing terribly as he bursts into laughter and rolls backwards onto his back, whether on purpose or not, Ike's unsure.

_Good point_, thinks Ike. "I'm Ike and I was sent by King Dedede to rescue the princess of this tower but all I find is you. Why's that?"

Roy gets up, muttering something about 'good impressions' and bites his lip and Ike knows he's thinking. "So, you're just like the rest, though you're lucky, not many get this far."

"What d'you mean?" He remembered King Dedede's words about no one returning, but he never explained why.

Roy leans back and supports himself with his arms. "They normally get baked by the dragon." His tone of voice plain, almost as though it's a common occurrence and he's gotten quite bored of it.

Ike splutters. "There's no such thing of dragons," he says plainly.

"Yes, there are," argues Roy, straightening back up and rising to his feet.

"No, there is not," Ike insists, putting on his best glare.

Roy walks over casually to the window and Ike turns his gaze to the bread and water in front of him. He hadn't realised he was so hungry. "That's weird." Ike hears Roy say. "Maybe... Maybe it's... time!" he shrills, spinning around and rushing back to Ike. He kneels next to Ike, expectance flashing his blue eyes.

"Time for what?" Ike questions, knowing he'll probably regret it.

"Time for my knight in shining armor to save me!"

Ike frowns. "Kid, you sure you're not insane?"

Roy pouts in return. "This is coming from the guy who wanted to kiss me," he counters.

"What?!" Ike shouts, looking away, scandalised. "I-did-not!" he says through gritted teeth.

"I don't know why every guy who comes here thinks he's gotta kiss me. It's so _eughr_." The boy highlights his words with a shudder.

"I wasn't going to kiss you," he hisses back in a rush.

The boy's lips curve upwards into a knowing grin. "Yeah, right."

"Well, it's your fault!" argues Ike, wishing his hands were untied so he could press an accusing index finger into his chest, "Maybe, if you didn't lie on a bed with a veil over your face and a note saying 'kiss me', no one would."

"I was told to do that by my wet nurse," the red head explains.

Ike raises his eyebrows in question. "She told me to do that before she left, so," the boy shrugged, "that's why I do it."

"Where is your wet nurse? Aren't wet nurses meant for toddlers?" Ike asks, confused. He notices the boy's forehead crease, as though he's trying desperately to remember.

"I don't know," he starts in a pathetic way, "I've been here for so long. . . I've lost count of the years." He shows Ike a wall where there are lots of vertical scratches dug into the wall. He's seen some people do that in the King's dungeons. They do it to count the days passing. Looking from the amount of scratches, this boy has been here for quite some time, maybe even years.

Ike finds himself staring at the scratches as though the answers to this weird situation are all there. He tries to remember all the tales and stories he's ever heard about the princess in the tower on the volcano and none of them, according to his memory, include a confused red head. "I don't understand," he says out loud, turning back to face the boy. "I grew up hearing tales about a princess imprisoned here and I finally arrive here and find _you_?" Ike says but then gently adds with a sympathetic look, "What happened?"

"My name is Roy and I am - _was_ - prince of Pharae," the boy explains slowly, looking away towards another wall where there is a painting of a boy, dressed in a prince's clothing, flying over what looks like a magical city. On his head, between red strands of hair is a crown that's shining so bright it's like the sun. The boy's face is pure contentment, much different to the boy before him, who looks plainly confused.

Ike's eyes widen at the painting. "I've never heard of Pharae," he admits truthfully. The only city he knows like in the picture is Hyrule, but it's quite a distance from where they are, and plus, it's been standing for centuries so it can't have changed its name.

Roy looks confused and shakes his head. "But you must've. Pharae is famous. It's..." he cuts himself off and Ike can see the fear in his eyes. "How long have I been here," he adds, mostly to himself.

_So, the tales and stories about a princess were fake, _Ike thinks, _but, then, why tell lies? Who __**is**__ he? Is someone trying to protect him?_

Roy snaps out of his distant-staring and grabs Ike's shoulders, giving him an urgent shake. "You have to help me escape!"

"Could you untie me first?" asks Ike hopefully but Roy ignores him. He looks around the room as if in worry and tightens his hold.

"You have to take me away from here before Father returns!" he explains further.

"Your father? Why does he keep you here?" Ike queries.

Roy whips around behind Ike and begins fidgeting with the rope around Ike's wrists. "I'll explain later. Right now, you have to help me out of here and get me past the dragon!"

"That's why I'm here, kid. To bring you back to King Dedede and save my sister and-" Ike pauses and blinks, "Wait, what?!" He twists in his chair to look at Roy over shoulder.

He's kidding right?

Apparently, no.

A loud roar erupts as if on cue, shaking the castle. Roy finishes untying Ike and Ike grabs his sword. Another furious roar sounds, causing them both to topple over. "Oh no! The dragon heard us!," he explains, getting up and Ike gives him a disbelieving look.

"What?!" he shrieks, rising up on all fours, over the constant roaring and growling that's coming from below them. "What d'you mean the dragon heard us?!"

Roy rushes over to his bed, kneeling down and grabs a bag from underneath it. "You have to slay the dragon," he says, pulling out a way better looking sword than the one Ike's holding. "It's quite heavy. A knight brought it up here before he got... Well, y'know."

Ike drops his old sword, knowing it'll be useless against a dragon and inspects the other sword. "It's a two handed sword," says Ike, picking it up with ease, much to the surprise of Roy.

"Wow, you're strong," he compliments, making Ike smile. "Well, the rest were too and it didn't stop them from getting incinerated but I think you'll do fine." Ike's expression shatters. _Incinerated?!_

"How can you say that?" yells Ike over the roaring that obviously getting closer. "How do I slay a dragon?!" He'd never faced a dragon before! Heck, he didn't even think they existed until now.

"Defeat it, _obviously_," the prince answers simply.

"That's not an answer!" snaps Ike angrily.

Roy ignores him and grabs him by the arm, dragging him over to the door. He takes one last look at his room and Ike can see his sorrow clearly in his features.

"You're going to kill us both!" shouts Ike as they jog dangerously down the curving stairs down to the ground floor. The tower is shaking more wildly now and Ike almost trips on the stairs. By the time they reach the bottom stair, the shaking stops and Ike halts abruptly. He listens intently for anymore sounds but all he can hear is his own heart hammering in his chest and the huffs and puffs of Roy beside him.

"That's weird," he whispers, chancing a look around before stepping slowly into the main hall. "Where'd it go?" he asks Roy, who merely shrugs and glances around too.

Silence. Complete and utter silence is all they can hear. Ike spins around on the spot, checking every corner for a single sign, but nothing. There's no dragon. A fairly loud squeal makes Ike spin violently over to one side of the room, where the main doors are. At the foot of the double doors is a tiny red dragon, about the size of a dog, peering with snake-like eyes around the door at them both.

"That's the dragon?" asks Ike, not sure whether he should laugh or be bewildered. "It's tiny!" exclaims Ike, edging nearer to it as it crawls away from the door and towards them. Ike would almost go as far as to say it was quite cute.

"Um, Ike?" pipes up Roy, his voice uncertain but Ike ignores him as he's busy reaching out for the dragon.

The dragon stops in front of him and sits down quietly to allow him to stroke its head. Ike complies and feels the cold scaly touch of dragon skin on his warm hand. "Wow, I can't believe this was making that loud roar," exclaims Ike as he kneels down on the floor to get a better angle at stroking the dragon's head.

"Errrr, maybe 'cause that's not the dragon," Ike hears Roy say behind him.

"What are you on about-" Ike says as he notices an amber eye as big as him peers through the door in front of him. "Oh, great, just my luck."

This chapter has a bit of Tangled plot in it at the start, whereas the last chapter had some Shrek plot in it. I actually got the idea for this fic after watching Shrek, Tangled and Snow White and the Huntsman (that plot will come soon). I was just wondering what it would be like if the damsel in distress wasn't a damsel at all. Thanks for reading btw.


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